So in my last post, I talked about what a gift disillusionment can be. That it's really only in the disappointment we experience from one another, that we are truly able to see each other - as we are.
I think it's time we start doing the same thing for God.
Can we let God disappoint us?
Can we let God show up and say "I'm not who you think I am."
Doesn't this happen time and time again in scriptures?
God chooses the dishonest brother, Jacob, and uses him to create a great people.
God chooses Moses - a murderer, and someone who was raised as an Egyptian to deliver the people out of slavery.
God chooses Rahab.
God chooses Solomon (not David's rightful heir, but instead a child of Bathsheba).
God chooses shepherds to be prophets.
God chooses a virgin to bear Christ.
And when God becomes flesh, Jesus does nothing but let people down who place tons of expectations on him.
He comes to Jerusalem as a king, and is killed.
That's not very God-like is it?
God is so opposed to people coming up with ideas about them, that he refuses to give them a name past "I am who I am."
Basically God is telling the people, "Don't put a label on me, cause I'm not going to live into that label. I'm bigger than that."
And even though God tells us that, we are still really good at putting labels on God.
The Israelites created a golden calf to represent the God that delivered them out of Egypt.
The Israelites turn sacrifice into the only way to worship God.
The Pharisees turn following the Torah as the only way to live as God wants us to live.
We turn good fortune or coincidence into God's blessing.
We turn tragedy into God's punishment.
We spend our time chasing a God that will make us rich (the US dollar).
We spend our money creating God's kingdom on earth (what that looks like depends on if you're a Republican or a Democrat)
We create a God who loves those whom it easy for us to love.
We create a God who hates those whom are different from us.
And then I see Jesus on the cross, and I doubt the whole system.
Why would this God whom I've created in my image willing die because of sin?
Why?
And we can try and explain it away, by using facing words like penal substitution or atonement theory that simply fits into the system I'm living in to. (That'll be another blog post, I'm sure)
Or is there a better, more excellent way?
What if God on the cross is supposed to throw this image of God into doubt and turmoil?
What if I'm supposed to be thinking that things don't add up?
What if I'm supposed to be disillusioned in the light of the cross?
That God is telling me (and the rest of the world) that our view of God isn't what we thought it was.
God shows up and tells us that there's more to God than we thought.
God tells us again and again, that God is bigger than that.
That on the cross, all of my ideas about God should be thrown into question.
My doubts and questions about the system? They are the questions of a vengeful God. They are doubts about a God who wants to see pain and suffering.
My doubts keep me from turning God into another golden calf.
My disillusionment is the very thing that allows me to see God more clearly.
They tell me that God isn't what I thought.
Instead God is love.
God is sacrificial love that transforms all of creation, bringing all things into a renewed relationship with the very creator of the universe.
That's something that I don't need to understand or grasp to understand it's a gift.
That's something that I don't need to understand or grasp to know that it means I can't live the same way I was living.
That's something that I don't need to understand or grasp to know that I am loved, and am freed to love.
That's something that I don't need to understand or grasp to know that it's something I can keep coming back to, time and time again.
And each time, I might bring different ideas about God with me to the cross, and each time Jesus will be there reminding me about the love God has for me, and for all people, and for all time.
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